Stress

You know what I don't get? I don't get stress and over booked schedules. Living in the 21st century has caused our schedules to fill up like mad, with people booking events, get-togethers and parties MONTHS in advance. Where did this all originate? Why?

I may be over committed. I feel like I'm drowning in events, work, and future events. I want to do so much, but I don't have enough time. What can I do? I can't sacrifice anything I feel, because I want to work and I like my jobs but school also has a ton of work and I have trips to prep for and a whole bunch of other crazyness. On top of all that, I can't sing. My vocal chords are contracting because of my anxiety and stress. My throat is sore in the mornings, evenings, and right after I sing. I try drinking as much tea as possible, but it's just impossible to feel or sound better. I don't know why this happened. I used to be able to sing, and now, it's like something left.

One Day Closer...

Tuesday is over. One day closer to the weekend, and I am already plum tuckered out. Fortunately tomorrow is a sleepin day. Thank goodness.

I think I have been over-reacting to the whole casting process. It seems to happen every single year. I freak out, others freak me out, then I freak out even more and eventually have an internal breakdown. Then the cycle repeats, so by Friday, I'll be a wreck. Lucky for me, I had a wonderful time today in English observing the campus and nature. It was so relaxing and such a calm day. What started out as a very mellow description about the trees turned into a deep self reflection. As my friends would say, "always the dramatic one."

Now I'm just writing for procrastination. I really don't want to work on my homework. I'm not even supposed to be updating my blog or on the computer right now, but shhhhhh. I am extremely exhausted and probably should just go to bed right now. Alas the day where a stressed out student goes to bed before 9 with a full plate of work due the next day.

Singing callbacks are tomorrow, hence the vicious cycle description at the beginning. Debating between 'Mama Who Bore Me' and 'On My Own.' I'll probably just end up going with 'Mama' because it's sweet and I know it extremely well. 'On My Own' is a fantastic acting song, but it's a bit long and I can only belt it on a really good day, and my throat is a bit scratchy. I also know I can pull of a challenge with 'Mama' that I may not be able to pull off otherwise. Regardless, I am extremely excited. Not only for singing callbacks but for the theatrical process in general. Acting just makes me happy.

And with that positive note, I'll end. That's all folks.

Peace.

Audtions Today!

Auditions for 12th Night or What you Will were today. I actually enjoyed myself, which is quite surprising. Of course I felt terribly nauseous during the entire event, but I actually had fun. Rarely, that happens on the first day of auditions. But I guess something about watching fellow classmates perform Shakespeare after a long and tiring Monday was extremely enjoyable.

Currently I'm reading The Jane Austen Book Club, which I am absolutely loving. I really want to rewatch the movie again.

For now, that's all.

Peace.

Thoughts from Pomegranate Yogurt

The Internet is a scary place. In English we read about Emily Gould and her Gawker and Jimmy Kimmel scandal. I'm absolutely terrified of saying too much or not being able to remove something from the Internet once it's posted. Ironically, I'm still blogging.

While eating my delicious pomegranate frozen yogurt from the Sweet Shop I started thinking about why I blog. Do I want 15 minutes of fame? Not really. Public recognition would be nice, but I'm definitely not ready for it. I guess really I just want to connect to people. Maybe my stories will somehow be connected and similar to your stories and KA-BAM a connection blossoms. Maybe I keep a job to write. I do love writing, but I never considered myself the next J.K. Rowling or Jasper Fforde (who, by the way, is a GENIUS in my humble opinion). I guess I just keep a blog to put something out there. In someway tell my story without all the gory and personal details. To express my opinions, share my insights and connect.

So fall. It's one of my favorite seasons besides winter. Especially on the east coast. The colors of fall are so beautiful, I cannot describe them. The sunset color wheels of vibrant oranges, yellows, reds, and browns litter the ground with pure beauty. It makes waking up out of bed worth it. To be greeted with such a palette is enough to take your breath away. Also the coffee/tea is wonderful. Pumpkin spice? How can you go wrong? You can't. The warmth fills you with such joy it's like Thanksgiving, Halloween, and a cold rainy day with a good book and a fire all rolled into one delicious gulp. I'm counting down the days.

For now, that's all.

Peace.

One Year Older

Birthday was yesterday. One year older, one year wiser? Doubt it.  

Funny thing about birthdays is you never know how its gonna turn out.  Maybe it will be a good year, maybe a bad year.  But what makes things good or bad? Is it how/what society determines is correct, what's bad and good? I guess if you died it might be considered a bad day, but then again maybe dying is a good thing for some.  Is having a good day measured on how you decide it is? If so, would failure be good or bad? The only way to learn is from mistakes so that's good, but with failure comes low self-worth and that's always a crummy feeling.

Good day or bad day? Can it be both? A mixture, like chocolate and vanilla swirl ice cream?

Updates on the World

Pretty much-America has a new president! Congratulations to Mr. Obama! 

Anyway, life is pretty mellow now that my assistant directing job is over.  It's great, I mean, I do miss working with the kiddos but still, I now have so much free time on my hands! Although during tech week I had a huge emotion/mental breakdown which really rattled me inside.  Struggling with my emotions has always been a huge problem for me.  I supposed I'm afraid that if I show anything but happiness/constant energy and I open up to my emotional side I will be completely vulnerable and will get hurt.

I just downloaded Instant Karma: An Amnesty to help Darfur.  Incredible, and I highly recommend.  

Auditions are coming up for Kiss Me Kate and I still have no idea what I should do for my song! I'm sure I can find a great monologue anytime, but song--er, I'm not so sure.

You often read about ordinary people becoming famous for their blogs and their advice they give from their blogs.  But what about the ordinary ordinary people like me, who just want to remain 'connected' in a distant sorta way. You know what I mean? Maybe. 

I guess I just kinda want to be a somebody. Well, I'm sure we all do.  I just want to be a somebody to someone else--and for me not to always have to provide so much and never expect anything in return. Wow, that's a little over dramatic, but in a sense, maybe there is an element of truth in there. 

English, of course, was amazing again today.  It's just such a great class-all of us blend so well together, and laugh all the time.  We talked a lot today about the origin about the words testify and avocado.  Also the South and southern dialects.  Hilarity ensued.