Off to San Fran!

Off to San Fran!

Outfit: Vintage Summer Dress, black leggings, Ray Bands teal sunglasses, Scrunch boot, vanilla scent, light eye makeup-Cleo style.

Peace y'all!

Christmas Haiku

wrapping paper there
deserted bows fill the room
warm smiles and hearts

Now THAT'S Entertainment

Recently, I have developed an obsession for the television show, Arrested Development to the point when are I've started imagining what Ron Howard's voice would sound if he were narrate my life. Needless to say, I think I am a bit obsessed. Netflix instant play is pretty much god-sent at the moment.

I'm still in the middle of the 3rd and final season, and I'm dreading the conclusion of the show--it's too wonderful. I believe that after watching Arrested Development one almost wants to become a Bluth--not in the sense of George Sr., who currently, is under house arrest, but perhaps like a Lindsey. Although, I must admit Will Arnett [Gob] and Tony Hale's performance is pretty incredible in the third season. I dunno what it is but I often have to pause the show after one of their scenes because I'm laughing so hard. Rumor has it that there is a movie in pre-production according to IMDB (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0901469/) however, we'll see what happens. Until then, I highly recommend the show--it's pure comedy, not any of this reality-TV junk found on air today. Now that's entertainment!

Stress

You know what I don't get? I don't get stress and over booked schedules. Living in the 21st century has caused our schedules to fill up like mad, with people booking events, get-togethers and parties MONTHS in advance. Where did this all originate? Why?

I may be over committed. I feel like I'm drowning in events, work, and future events. I want to do so much, but I don't have enough time. What can I do? I can't sacrifice anything I feel, because I want to work and I like my jobs but school also has a ton of work and I have trips to prep for and a whole bunch of other crazyness. On top of all that, I can't sing. My vocal chords are contracting because of my anxiety and stress. My throat is sore in the mornings, evenings, and right after I sing. I try drinking as much tea as possible, but it's just impossible to feel or sound better. I don't know why this happened. I used to be able to sing, and now, it's like something left.

One Day Closer...

Tuesday is over. One day closer to the weekend, and I am already plum tuckered out. Fortunately tomorrow is a sleepin day. Thank goodness.

I think I have been over-reacting to the whole casting process. It seems to happen every single year. I freak out, others freak me out, then I freak out even more and eventually have an internal breakdown. Then the cycle repeats, so by Friday, I'll be a wreck. Lucky for me, I had a wonderful time today in English observing the campus and nature. It was so relaxing and such a calm day. What started out as a very mellow description about the trees turned into a deep self reflection. As my friends would say, "always the dramatic one."

Now I'm just writing for procrastination. I really don't want to work on my homework. I'm not even supposed to be updating my blog or on the computer right now, but shhhhhh. I am extremely exhausted and probably should just go to bed right now. Alas the day where a stressed out student goes to bed before 9 with a full plate of work due the next day.

Singing callbacks are tomorrow, hence the vicious cycle description at the beginning. Debating between 'Mama Who Bore Me' and 'On My Own.' I'll probably just end up going with 'Mama' because it's sweet and I know it extremely well. 'On My Own' is a fantastic acting song, but it's a bit long and I can only belt it on a really good day, and my throat is a bit scratchy. I also know I can pull of a challenge with 'Mama' that I may not be able to pull off otherwise. Regardless, I am extremely excited. Not only for singing callbacks but for the theatrical process in general. Acting just makes me happy.

And with that positive note, I'll end. That's all folks.

Peace.

Audtions Today!

Auditions for 12th Night or What you Will were today. I actually enjoyed myself, which is quite surprising. Of course I felt terribly nauseous during the entire event, but I actually had fun. Rarely, that happens on the first day of auditions. But I guess something about watching fellow classmates perform Shakespeare after a long and tiring Monday was extremely enjoyable.

Currently I'm reading The Jane Austen Book Club, which I am absolutely loving. I really want to rewatch the movie again.

For now, that's all.

Peace.

Thoughts from Pomegranate Yogurt

The Internet is a scary place. In English we read about Emily Gould and her Gawker and Jimmy Kimmel scandal. I'm absolutely terrified of saying too much or not being able to remove something from the Internet once it's posted. Ironically, I'm still blogging.

While eating my delicious pomegranate frozen yogurt from the Sweet Shop I started thinking about why I blog. Do I want 15 minutes of fame? Not really. Public recognition would be nice, but I'm definitely not ready for it. I guess really I just want to connect to people. Maybe my stories will somehow be connected and similar to your stories and KA-BAM a connection blossoms. Maybe I keep a job to write. I do love writing, but I never considered myself the next J.K. Rowling or Jasper Fforde (who, by the way, is a GENIUS in my humble opinion). I guess I just keep a blog to put something out there. In someway tell my story without all the gory and personal details. To express my opinions, share my insights and connect.

So fall. It's one of my favorite seasons besides winter. Especially on the east coast. The colors of fall are so beautiful, I cannot describe them. The sunset color wheels of vibrant oranges, yellows, reds, and browns litter the ground with pure beauty. It makes waking up out of bed worth it. To be greeted with such a palette is enough to take your breath away. Also the coffee/tea is wonderful. Pumpkin spice? How can you go wrong? You can't. The warmth fills you with such joy it's like Thanksgiving, Halloween, and a cold rainy day with a good book and a fire all rolled into one delicious gulp. I'm counting down the days.

For now, that's all.

Peace.

One Year Older

Birthday was yesterday. One year older, one year wiser? Doubt it.  

Funny thing about birthdays is you never know how its gonna turn out.  Maybe it will be a good year, maybe a bad year.  But what makes things good or bad? Is it how/what society determines is correct, what's bad and good? I guess if you died it might be considered a bad day, but then again maybe dying is a good thing for some.  Is having a good day measured on how you decide it is? If so, would failure be good or bad? The only way to learn is from mistakes so that's good, but with failure comes low self-worth and that's always a crummy feeling.

Good day or bad day? Can it be both? A mixture, like chocolate and vanilla swirl ice cream?

Updates on the World

Pretty much-America has a new president! Congratulations to Mr. Obama! 

Anyway, life is pretty mellow now that my assistant directing job is over.  It's great, I mean, I do miss working with the kiddos but still, I now have so much free time on my hands! Although during tech week I had a huge emotion/mental breakdown which really rattled me inside.  Struggling with my emotions has always been a huge problem for me.  I supposed I'm afraid that if I show anything but happiness/constant energy and I open up to my emotional side I will be completely vulnerable and will get hurt.

I just downloaded Instant Karma: An Amnesty to help Darfur.  Incredible, and I highly recommend.  

Auditions are coming up for Kiss Me Kate and I still have no idea what I should do for my song! I'm sure I can find a great monologue anytime, but song--er, I'm not so sure.

You often read about ordinary people becoming famous for their blogs and their advice they give from their blogs.  But what about the ordinary ordinary people like me, who just want to remain 'connected' in a distant sorta way. You know what I mean? Maybe. 

I guess I just kinda want to be a somebody. Well, I'm sure we all do.  I just want to be a somebody to someone else--and for me not to always have to provide so much and never expect anything in return. Wow, that's a little over dramatic, but in a sense, maybe there is an element of truth in there. 

English, of course, was amazing again today.  It's just such a great class-all of us blend so well together, and laugh all the time.  We talked a lot today about the origin about the words testify and avocado.  Also the South and southern dialects.  Hilarity ensued. 

And....It's Turkey Day!

Happy Thanksgiving America!

Just finished a fantastic bike ride about 3-4 miles round trip. I just love the rush biking gives you, and it's incredible if you have a soundtrack to ride with.  

My recent obsession is now buttons. I love showing my flair off...buttons are just an extent of one's personality. I found the website---www.zazzle.com---where you can create/sell/buy just about anything you want in any shape or form, from Tshirts to skateboards. Yes, skateboards. I created 2 buttons of my own, one with a quotation from Jasper Fforde's (another obsession) novel Lost in a Good Book and the other with the quotation, "Sorry I can't...I have rehearsal." 

Ah, back to Thanksgiving. I think I'll shut my critical side up and just say that be thankful for life, love, and people.  No matter where you are, be thankful for something. Give someone a hug, laugh, smile at someone. You may in fact change their outlook on life. Someone did that for me, and now I'm a completely different person. Be thankful for who you are, and be thankful for life. 

Lots of love (and turkey)

-Natalie

Wednesday before Turkey Fest

I'm DONE! And extremely happy about that. We were released from the prison of school (actually it wasn't that bad today) and sent home for a well needed 4 day weekend.  I've spent the afternoon drinking tea, iTunes downloading and chilling with my über awesome siblings.  :) Definitely gotta love the family.  

Anyway, tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which means we as Americans stuff our guts with dead animals and heart attack carbs. I cannot wait. But then again, I suppose Thanksgiving is more than that. We are always taught in elementary school that during Thanksgiving we are supposed to be thankful for our family and friends. I believe that today I am merely thankful for life, and the life I live and love. I am grateful for my classes and teachers, my fellow students who are like my twin sisters and being able to laugh.  Laughter, to me, is the best stress relief and to quote conformity, "the best medicine." Well, I suppose that is true. Laughter is incredible.

Tonight, one of my brothers and sister and mom are going to a basketball game, while my other brother and I watch the latest installment of Mythbusters :) and then my dad and I are going to watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Nothing like comedy and holiday cheer with a nice cup of my chai and peppermint tea to boost your energy and happiness! 

Lots of love,

-Natalie

One more day.....

Only one more day until we are finally released for Thanksgiving break. Basically Rockband party! I am so ready for this four day weekend, you all have no idea. 

Today I got a lovely and beautiful poster from one of my dear friends in Philadelphia.  She sent it for me as a gift for my role in the fall play.  It's a limited edition of one of Barack Obama's quotations. Here's a link to his campaign website (www.barackobama.com/index.php).  Thank you America for committing to change.  Thank you. We needed change and change is what we will get.  The poster is lovely, it fades green to dark blue with a fantastic quotation about living in America.

I'm listening and planning out our next radio show currently, which is interesting to test my multitask skills. I've also been creating playlists to boost my moon. I've entitled it hAppy 'R uS. The use of the different capital letters adds some fun and pizazz for the playlist. It has everything and anything on it that gets me moving and happy. :)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! 

© Natalie S. 2008

Monday....Rehearsal time

Ah, Monday. One of the banes of my existence. A long and aggravating day. School seems to drag on and on. But only Monday A weeks. I absolutely j'adore Monday B weeks. Because I have English. But my passion for English is better described in a different post and a different time. :)

Anyway, today was quite a hard Monday because as you all know The House of Bernarda Alba closed yesterday. It was hard driving to school today knowing that I did not have tech week nor rehearsal. Yes, I did see my fellow cast members but it was different today. I knew I wouldn't change in the green room, laugh in the same way, or glare at them onstage in the same way. I'm going to miss that. But I have to commend Angie for giving me the best hug today during chorus. And yes my voice still doesn't exist. I mean it's better, but still lacking in the vocal department.  

But now I'm in MSM rehearsal coaching Middle Schoolers and watching them grow into their each unique characters. It's great fun. We're performing 'Once Upon A Mattress' and it's such a great show. They are so much fun. A bit crazy, yes, but fun nevertheless. And a bit loud as well. Whatever they're 11-13. I guess I was just like them too. 

Off to study now. Got an in-class writing essay about 'Macbeth' I need to study.

Peace & Carrots!

© Natalie S. 2008

An End of an Era

Bernarda is over. Over. Good grief. This has been such a fantastic journey that cannot even describe my experience in a mere post. The cast has become such a family. Every single senior is like my older sister and role model.  I cannot bear to let the go. I love them so much. As we saw after the show I turned into a blubbering emotional pile o' mush, but hey, it's show biz. I guess that's what you do. Pretty much, I cannot express my gratefulness towards the cast nor my love. Sigh. To hopefully go out with a bang (and yes, the gun did shoot today) here are a few words about each member of the cast and crew from the bottom of my heart. I love you all!

Mr. C-Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I cannot express my joy for this oppurtunity nor my love for you and the cast. Thanks for pushing me as an actor and allowing me to reach new hieghts. This was been such an amazing journey that I cannot trade anything for it.

Aileen & Gabe-You both are amazing! The set is incredible. I swear one of the best our school has ever seen.  Aileen you are so sweet and were always so kind to me...it really touched me.

Ms. T-I dunno if you will see this but the costumes are pretty much, for lack of a more educated word, beautiful. I loved my costume and your dedication for our mantillas and skirts and hair was incredible.

Maliaka & Caroline-The bell was amazing. You both are so kind and so encouraging and always can cheer anyone up.  Caroline it was so much fun painting with you on set day. :)

Becky-The lights for the stage. WOW. You are so dedicated and so sweet, how can we ever thank you enough? 

Sam-One word. Fraîche. Period. Love you girlie.

Sherri-Hey mom. Thanks for always telling me when my diction was down the gutter, and constantly reminding me to go slower, it really paid off. And searching through kitchen stores is always fun. Love you lots.

Molly-I doubt you will see this also, but you are so sweet.  You always brighten my day and lessen my nerves when you give me the thumbs up before going onstage or complimenting my most recent scene. You probably kept me sane.

LoL0-So basically you are so pretty and so kind to me. I just love working with you. I cannot wait for next year. You are so willing to jump into anything and be anybody and I really admire in a person, let alone actor. 

Shreya-Dear Heavenly latte I hope I spelled your name right, and if I didn't forgive me please. You are so kind and were so sweet to me. You always offer an encouraging note before going onstage and I hope I can get to know you more in the years to come.

Ana-Johnny Depp. Jack Davenport. Where do we begin? I have loved working with you. You always pump people up, you are so supportive of everyones' achievements, that it's incredible. WOW. 

Anna-You are so much fun. Your accent makes me smile and I always love performing Act III with you. Christmas music is also really fun to listen to. :)

Julie-Shmello! This was quite a change since Childrens' Crusade this summer, but hey, still a sad show. But hey, we are like soul sisters in tragedy baby. SOUL SISTAS. That's enough. Well, basically, you're amazing and you always laugh at me, which is nice.

Sophie-I wish we had more stage time together. THANK YOU for braiding my hair every...single...night. It means a lot to me. I'm so glad we got to do this show together and then converse about it in Spanish. It was so much fun. I mean it.

Nicola-You are so kind. All the hugs and encouraging and supportive thoughts...I really take them to heart. You always make me smile and cheer me up whether talking politics or theater. 

Parisa-Hey. Our scenes together were so much fun. Esp. when Mr. C made us do it like the Sex and the City girls. That was fun. You are so dedicated to everything you do, and I am so honored to be one of your scene partners. And btw, the scream was FABULOUS today. I literally jumped out of my skin.

Julia-You are so pretty and so sweet. Really. I loved having you as a daughter and you always explain everything to me, and really helped me choose to continue Spanish this year. Thank you. Thanks for being such a wonderful actress and joy to work with.

Xanthia-I love you. You are so supportive and helped me reach new limits on my beating and violence skills. I thank you for that. You are so strong (physically and mentally) and I cannot imagine school without you. I am going to miss you both as a daughter and good friend next year.

Laura Sc.-You are so sweet. I'm so glad we've become closer during these last few weeks together. You are so thoughtful about your character and how you present yourself. I am really going to miss you. Kudos on your last performance. You did it!

Laura Si.-No, I will not obsess over you like Frankie (ahem), but I will say just this. You so articulate and careful with your words and opinions that it's fascinating to watch and listen to you speak. I always feel so incompetent next to you, you are basically brilliant. I have loved working with you, you are so kind and caring...please keep in touch!

Frankie-Good Lord where do I begin? Sophomore sista and darling daughter. Well rebellious daughter. I have loved working with you. As always. Car-rides home, chats before rehearsals, hugs and stories. DIE BISCUIT. I am so honored as always to be in your presence and you just keep acting darhling, you will go far no matter what. 

Dasha-Dasha, Dasha. Your Facebook note was so sweet, I almost started balling again. I must agree with Nicola that M&M are fabulous for post-show syndrome. This has been incredible. You are a little ball of fun and energy, I love talking, laughing, singing, and being with you. I cannot imagine theater without you. I value and respect anything you say and you are so much fun to be with. Thanks for the memories darling.

Angie-Wow. You are my soul sister, my role model, my mom, besides Sherri I mean. You scene is always so touching and sweet and cuts me deep in the gut. And that's a good thing. I love working with you, and this experience has been so much fun. Grease tangoing was fun too. You are so amazing and I will love you forever and ever.

Dearest cast and crew...I have two words for you, they're kinda small and maybe not that important in daily life, but here goes:

Thank you.

© Natalie S. 2008

Peppermint & Chai Tea

I'll admit it honestly. Second night was a lot harder. Not only was the cast extremely tired, some of us were coming down with terrible colds. The fabulous actress who played Martirio, came to the green and sounded like there literally was a frog in her throat. As Mr. C would say, her gutter voice.  However, the audience experienced something different last night. They were more emotionally moved, it was a lot more personal.  My sister was completely terrified of the performance, which is fantastic. My goal for Bernarda was to either get the audience to completely fear her, or hate her, or both. :) Many of the audience members were moved to tears and during the first violence scene between me and my eldest daughter, a chorus of sniffles was heard.  I believe it's safe to say we experienced a much more touching show, than energetic.  

Cast party--well, cast parties, are like no other.  There is a specific song on our mix where a bunch of sirens start wailing. That's the cue to drop everything, grab as many pots and pans and start banging them around...while parading around the house.  It's the best thing ever.  You cannot help screaming and laughing along.  Then, we all sat in a circle and told one nice thing about every person.  It was incredible. The cast has come so far, and we have bonded so much, that this afternoon's final performance is going to be heart-wrenching.  I love this cast as my second family, and I cannot bear to lose 8 of the most amazing seniors ever.  We have grown to basically live with each other for the last 9-10 weeks of the rehearsal process. In all honesty, I absolutely adore and respect every single one of them.

But back to the title...Peppermint and Chai Tea. Hmm, well if my director is reading this, he may want to look away. I'm drinking this because, since I got home at 1:20 am after dropping off my good friend who plays Adela. Oops. So when I woke up at 11 am this morning, my voice was a bit guttery and not really present. I'm drinking, well chugging tea because my voice cannot give out on me. I must leave you all now...I have to take a shower...call time is in 45 minutes! 

© Natalie S. 2008

Confessions of Shakespearean Murder

am i guilty? he stammers

no she mutters clutching her breast

who is? he responds

she says nothing

she knows

he knows

the deed is done.

© Natalie S. 2008

Opening Night

The House of Bernarda Alba opened last night. Let me tell you how nervous I was, and there is not exaggeration here. I swear. I'm playing Bernarda and I could hardly eat breakfast yesterday, I was so nauseous.  Then, during lunch was shaking so hard and managed to nibble down my salad. My throat was killing me the whole time.  I didn't eat dinner I was so nauseous, I only drank tea. I almost passed out in warmups 25 minutes before the show opened.  Yipes.  Eyes rolling, dizziness and everything. Finally, felt so sick right before my first entrance that I almost started crying.

But you know what? It was all worth it. No, I didn't throw up nor pass out.  Yes, it was all worth it. To see my friends after the performance and the joy on their faces...I'm almost ashamed to admit I was nervous.  Sometimes I forget how much I love my friends and how much they love me back. At least I hope so. :) I cannot express how much it means to me when me people come and support the arts.  Or just come and watch my performances, no matter the part I'm playing. It means so much to me that they care. I sound like an old sap but it's the truth.

Anyway, back the review. I think opening night went very well for an opening.  I wish we performed two weekends like most schools but whatever, there's always next year to change that. :) I need to work on my diction and speed for my lines but I still have two more performances to improve.

9 weeks ago I didn't the cast would have come this far. I have absolutely loved working with the actresses who play my daughters, mother, and two maids. They are my family. My home away from home. They're incredible. But none of this would be possible without our fantastic director..Mr. C. I love him to death. This show has pushed me to my limits as an actor and has allowed me to explore new heights; it's probably the most difficult work I have ever done in my short lived career. And the ensemble, they are incredible. They may not receive all the credit, but by George, they are amazing.  One is responsible for doing my hair, and the others are so sweet and caring to everyone around them. Don't let me forget the crew. Heavens above, they are just as amazing. (I need to find better adjectives). We (as actors) are their children, and they are our mommies. Kudos and hugs to them.

So thank you. Thanks to all who came out and supported the show. Thanks to all in the cast and crew.  I love you all. Hugs and kisses. Break a leg tonight!

© Natalie S. 2008

Minutes

T

 r

  i

   c

    k

     l

      i

       g

minutes

the clock's face slowly changes

another minute passes on.

I'm tired

and I want peace.

time to be free

© Natalie Shell 2008

Kitty

silly cat

your face smiling

even when you're not

ears twisting

machine rolling

warmth 

in my lap

© Natalie S. 2008

Thoughts (Poem)

public thoughts

private desires

cast a shadow of deceit and destruction

i think of you

Always

i dream of you

Always

i love you

Always

pain cannot hide my love

pain cannot make me suffer

pain and failure is nothing

when i see you

a soul falls

a dream crushed

buildings fall 

children scream

the bombs exploding

in the distance

i see you

© Natalie S. 2008